The Virtual Corkscrew Museum's Weekly Newspaper

Sunday, February 24 2008

Number 505

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News Archive

The Wedding Planner

Spring is around the corner and current issues of magazines are filled with wedding planning ideas. We, too, feel obligated to offer some of our own ideas for the brides who may be planning their weddings in the upcoming months.

Order your invitations early

Pick a colorful bridal party

Select wedding favors for guests

Gifts for the groomsmen perhaps?

Old corkscrews and jiggers for table decorations?

Old and new screw in cake toppers

Select a Champagne* for the reception

And perhaps a liqueur for after the reception dinner

Consider a picnic after the wedding

and finally ... don't forget the Thank You notes

*For more Champagne choices and fans see the October 14, 2007 issue.

Speaking of Marriages

A question* from AARP magazine:

I am happily married to a wonderful woman who means the world to me. When I see another attractive woman, however, I feel compelled to look at her. I do not mean to disrespect my wife, but I can’t seem to control this urge. —signed "Trying Not to Look"

The reply:

The simple answer to your question would be this: if you are on a diet, there is nothing wrong with looking at the menu—so long as you’re not drooling on it. Your inclination to look at other women is a result of genetic programming. At one time it was necessary for human males to mate with as many females as possible to ensure survival of the species. An apocryphal story has it that while President Calvin Coolidge and his wife were touring a farm, the farmer told Mrs. Coolidge that a rooster can mate up to 30 times a day. “Tell that to Mr. Coolidge,” said the first lady, with a smile. “Does the rooster always mate with the same hen?” the president asked. “Oh, no,” said the farmer. “He mates with a different hen every time.” The president smirked and exclaimed, “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge!” My point is this: you are a human being, not a rooster, and you are no longer a slave to your genes...or your jeans. Don’t waste your energy on survival of the species. Instead, focus on the survival of your marriage. Now that you understand where this inclination originated, you can choose the behavior that shows your wife the truth: that you have eyes only for her.

*from the humor of comedian Yakov Smirnoff

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©2008 Don Bull, Editor


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