Wirtz, Virginia's Number One Daily Newz
Twosday, April 1, 2003
Brush It Away
Wirtz, Virginia - This rare corkscrew is designed so the user can more efficiently clean the top of the bottle than when using corkscrews with a simple little brush mounted in the end of the handle. To use this fine design, grasp the handle and turn the worm into the cork. Once it has penetrated the cork, push the shaft all the way down until the brush comes in contact with the bottle top. Twist the handle right and left to get rid of any crud that has accumulated on the bottle neck.
Card Shark Al Coholic
Wirtz, Virginia - Al Coholic goes to his weekly Poker Game every Tuesday. He always brings his trusty corkscrew with him. It is popularly referred to as "Alcoholic's Corkscrew." The mechanism consists of a spike affixed to a wood handle. By driving the spike through the cork in a wine bottle and then extracting it, he is able to insert a small straw so he can sip wine the entire evening.
Wirtz, Virginia - One may think of this corkscrew as "Krazy" or "Backwards" as the sales card states but one must consider the plight of lefties worldwide. Prior to the introduction of this trusty corkscrew, due to the handicap, they have always been forced to have others open their wine. Their bumbling attempts to use a righties corkscrew result in damaged corks, broken glass and even punctured hands. Now for only $79.95 plus tax and shipping, their problems can be put behind them. For ordering details write to Al.Coholic@alcoholic.it
April Fool's Day
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®2002 Don Bull, Editor